I'm linking up this week at Write on Edge for their Write at the Merge prompt:
I chose to write fiction with my Kate and Dr. Chase characters.
You're Allowed to Feel Good
Kate smiled a little.
“Ok. Well, we weren’t supposed to
be there. The lake was on private
property, but Marisa and I would be up after work. We’d sit by the edge of the lake and smoke
and talk. We hadn’t ever had any issues
or seen anyone around the place.”
Kate blushed a little before continuing. “A couple times we had gone, um, skinny
dipping, when it had been really hot out.
It just feels so good, you know?”
Dr. Chase smiled, “Yes, I know.”
Kate continued, “We weren’t too scared. So we went ahead for a swim this one night,
and while we were in the water, we saw flash lights approaching!”
“Oh, no!” Dr. Chase
was happy to see her patient lighten up a little. Kate’s shoulders had lifted, and her face
became brighter with animation.
“Yeah! Then we heard
someone asking, ‘Who’s down there?’
Thank goodness our clothes were right at the shore. We were so quick. We didn’t even say a thing to each
other! We just both knew that we were
going to run and get the hell outta there.”
Kate laughed.
“Did you get away?
Did they see you?” Dr. Chase
asked.
“No, I mean, yes, we got away! They didn’t see us. Well, I don’t think,” she said with a
chuckle. “We splashed out of the water,
grabbed our clothes and took off toward the tree line away from them. Do you know how hard it is to get your
clothes on quickly when you’re wet? Oh,
man. We pulled them on though and got to
our car and sped off.”
They spent a moment in silence while Kate was still smiling
at the thought. Gradually, Kate’s face
began to change. Tears came to her eyes,
but she quickly wiped them away.
“I like hearing about some of the fun you guys had,” said
Dr. Chase.
Kate sniffed and looked away. Dr. Chase felt Kate pulling away and shutting
down.
“You know, you’re allowed to remember the good times and let
it feel good,” Dr. Chase said softly.
Kate said nothing.
She looked out the window.
“What are you feeling?” Dr. Chase asked.
Kate shifted in her seat.
“I don’t feel anything,” Kate said.
“You look like you feel something,” said Dr. Chase.
Kate’s foot began to bounce.
Dr. Chase continued, “Can we just try-“
“No!” Kate interrupted.
“We’re not going to try anything.
We’re not going to talk about ‘how I feel and why’ because there’s no
use! When it comes down to it, I feel
like shit and it’s all my fault. Simple
as that,” Kate said, looking the doctor straight in the eye. “I’m fucking stuck in here, getting nowhere,
but you know what? I may as well
be. I may as well be stuck in hell for
the shit I’ve put people through. What
makes you so lucky, Dr. Chase? Why do
you get to listen to my bitching and moaning?”
Kate stood up. “Never
mind,” Kate said as she stood up. She
opened the office door. “God dammit,
this is a waste of time.”
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| Write on Edge |
this was very realistic, the conversation was good and well written.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're back and writing, it looks good on you. ;)
Thanks, Kir!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kir. The conversation did feel authentic. I want more of the story about why Kate is in this therapy session. I have some guesses, but I'll have to wait for more from these characters.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback! I feel like that is the hardest thing with dialogue is making it realistic.
DeleteIt does feel authentic with the sort of back and forth that would occur between a therapist and patient. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!
DeleteThe conversation was realistic, taut, and raw with emotion, right up until Kate became angry. Shutting down doesn't always mean that you're done experiencing the moment, and Kate seemed on the verge of a breakthrough of sorts. I'd like to see where the conversation would have gone on the next page.
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand what you're saying. I felt the same way! But, had to edit as I was already the 500 word limit (shhh!) :) These characters are part of a book and there is much more to her breakthrough. Often, therapy is baby steps, or it's two steps forward and one step back. This story continues, don't you worry!
DeleteI agree with the comments about the dialogue. It felt very real, and I could feel her opening up, just a smidge, before shutting down. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteKate is quite the tumultuous character. It's hard for her to be vulnerable. Thanks for the feedback!
DeleteExcellent dialogue - and I'm also very curious as to the reason behind the encounter. Great work
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting and commenting!
DeleteThis was very realistic. She did well being able to relay the story chuckling and animated. Even if she reverted, her guard was done. Written by someone who knows therapy? If not, extremely well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yes, I know therapy in a couple different respects. I am a school psychologist and I have also participated in my own therapy a couple of times. I am very interested in psychology in general.
DeleteThis is good. I second everyone's comments about the dialogue being authentic. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteLike the dialogue. Are there other installments? My first time here. Enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteThank you! There are other installments on my previous blog, Pampers and Pinot. I use these prompts as inspiration to get this darn novel in my head out of my head!
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